Played by Pyonyang

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Now that the Dotard in Chief and Little Rocket Man have danced their pas de deux, the pundits are pushing all the words out of their mouth-holes, and boy have they got the best words. Some are so desperate for a news event that isn’t straight-up dystopian, they’ve been trying to say it’s not so bad, in fact it’s really just fine since Trump clearly “won” something by not actually slipping into a psychotic episode in Singapore.

To everyone who’s convinced this was a PR victory for VonPussygrab, I say whaa? Whose PR victory? The big winner in this has always been Kim Jong-un who has finally achieved his long-standing goal of being seen as an equal to other “world leaders” like the US President. Regardless of how we view President Dumpsterfire’s role in this, the fact is that to Kim’s people his torturous depraved regime is more legit than ever. There’s a reason former leaders have avoided the kinds of photo ops we’re seeing now. The groper in chief is getting played, and so is every pundit who declares he’s finally acting presidential.

That Krazy Komprimat

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January 6, 2017 - Moscow, Russia - Traditional Russian wooden matryoshka doll with a picture of President-elect Donald Trump (right), Vladimir Lenin, a Soviet politician and statesman (center) and Russian President Vladimir Putin (left) at the fair on the Red Square in Moscow. Russia, Friday, January 6, 2017 Hacker attacks have not affected the results of the US presidential election. This was stated by the president-elect of the United States by Donald Trump on Friday, January 6, 2017 (Credit Image: © Danil Shamkin/NurPhoto via ZUMA Press)

Here’s my take on the Komprimat the Russians have on Reality TV’s highest-rated treasonous wanker: I don’t think it’s financial (at least it’s not only financial), nor is it just a videotaped golden shower (shudderingly bad as that sounds). No, I believe there is video evidence of Comrade Grabber committing an actual violent crime – sex trafficking of underage girls, rape, rape of minors, that kind of thing. I think this for many reasons, but especially because I have never forgotten the complaint filed by a woman who claimed he violently raped her when she was 13. Despite having an eyewitness, this poor woman withdrew her complaint and went into hiding shortly before the 2016 election because she was threatened. Read her complaint and tell me you don’t think a) he did it, and b) probably a bunch of times cuz that’s his kink, very young girls. Read all about it at Snopes.

 

Louis the Masturbator

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How positively revolting that comedy’s favorite masturbating bad-boy jumped onstage last night for an impromptu comeback. With every ounce of privilege intact, he just whipped out his new routine and waved it around at an unsuspecting audience. An audience filled with people who never planned on being part of his redemption tale. I would want my cover charge back because I wouldn’t want to fund a penny of that (also: EWWW). He’s become so much more creepy than funny. I can’t watch him anymore, like Bill Cosby. Also I bet all the non-masturbating women he abused, intimidated, and excluded were hella funnier than his tired old man-baby schtick.

Like most celebrities, Louis Dick-in-Hand gets away with some crazy shit. But what if he did something else for a living? McSweeneys went there.

 

Powers of Congress?

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The bottom has dropped again. In other words, it’s Thursday and Gropey McDumbass is still *president. Today it’s the hurricane tweets. Jesus Christ on an inflatable raft, people –  the hurricane tweets and the 9/11 thumbs up, and taking money away from FEMA to put more babies in cages. What the actual fuck are Republicans letting happen right here in front of our gobsmacked faces.

Dear Congress, remember it’s your constitutional duty to check the other branches of government. Not to add a serial perjurer to one and let the world’s biggest clown represent the other.

Things I Think You Should Know

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[Here is where I will say clever things about myself and why I am doing this]

Some of the topics I’ll be covering (incomplete and in no particular order) include:
Politics. The personal is political and the political is hilarious and terrifying, and very occasionally inspiring. Lately, it’s more of a dystopian reality show.
Parenting. Everyone’s favorite verbified noun.
Feminism. I’m not afraid of it. You shouldn’t be either.
Media. (old media, new media, red media, blue media, and so on)
Cooking. Real food pretty much from scratch.
Crafty home projects. Mostly “aspirational.”
Australia. You should visit. It’s amazing.
New York City.  If you can make it there, you are essentially ruined for elsewhere
Things That Are Funny
Things I Think You Should Know
Topics and opinions are subject to change at any time. All advice is intended solely for entertainment purposes. Your mileage may vary.