Louis the Masturbator

How positively revolting that comedy’s favorite masturbating bad-boy jumped onstage last night for an impromptu comeback. With every ounce of privilege intact, he just whipped out his new routine and waved it around at an unsuspecting audience. An audience filled with people who never planned on being part of his redemption tale. I would want my cover charge back because I wouldn’t want to fund a penny of that (also: EWWW). He’s become so much more creepy than funny. I can’t watch him anymore, like Bill Cosby. Also I bet all the non-masturbating¬†women he abused, intimidated, and excluded were hella funnier than his tired old man-baby schtick.

Like most celebrities, Louis Dick-in-Hand gets away with some crazy shit. But what if he did something else for a living? McSweeneys went there.


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